Ah, it is a melancholy night, and I don't suppose I'm actually writing to anyone. Writing is therapy for me and Alabama has been like a worn out couch where I share my most venerable feelings.
It is damp and cool this evening. The weather has spanned from muggy hot to unbearably bone chillin'. And still I can always find something to be confused about.
It has been rather bland since graduation and emotions sometimes seem to get the better of me. Being with friends is somewhat comforting but being alone with a computer feels safe. I would like to pretend that I write to the hopelessness in the world and that somehow misery would find my company.....but rather I write to find some type of hope in my ridiculous rambling. I feel like a dog chasing my tail.
We have encountered more very strange and strong characters as our journey comes to a close. And some of them I wish to disappear from the earth forever. The older I get the more I feel disconnected with 'ideals' of religion, politics, and governmental systems. I stammer over simple expressions of communication and find that my vocabulary has not advanced as much as it should have. I am uneasy with the thought of going back to the Bible belt but am softly reminded of my discomfort with my current situation. It is like trying to guide a kite in the wind.
The Bible talks of contentment and while I feel that I could possibly mentally agree to this statement my spirit is quite restless. I am angry when I talk about religion, politics, and governmental systems. I am frustrated with not having the 'ideal' family Christmas, and more than anything I am annoyed with the thought of working in a cube and punching a clock.
The truth? I do not want to return to Dallas to just have another less-than-well-educated person telling me what to do.
Tonight is just a night of rambling. Again, I write to a non-existent audience so I guess I can say whatever the heck I want...right????
Honestly, after two years of feeling like wandering in the wilderness, I don't know that going 'home' will be home. I still feel like we are wandering and I still feel a bit lost.
However, the best part of this journey is that I'm not alone.
Anida
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Home, you are within my sights.
Friends,
This journey has been a long one. On January 7, 2009 we will make the awesome 12 hour trip back to Dallas. I will graduate on December 6th, and our renters move-in date is January 16th.
Last month we suffered a setback with Antonio's health. We experienced kidneys stones and no health insurance. While the hospital may have claim to our first born, at least we still have each other, right???
School is on the verge of tearing my mind apart, but I seem to have quiet moments of gratitude. There is something wonderful about walking across a campus on a fall day, coffee in hand, and the sun warming my face. Being around students keeps my heart young and I've never failed to gain a friend. The world is filled with beautiful minds and academia is their meeting grounds. I hope to always be apart of a University. Maybe one day I'll have the privilege to teach.
So, here we are .... the countdown begins. We have made some wonderful friends here and I can't believe our days are numbered. The coffee shop is always filled with drama, but I think there is unity in having a great debate. Espresso is fun and I can't remember the last time work was so easy.
My life is full, it is beautiful, and I am grateful for this challenging season in our lives. We will return to Dallas with open minds and hearts. We will also return with the anticipated excitement to see all of our friends and family. I feel like we have grown-up a bit and are ready for the next chapter.
I will though, in some strange ways miss this quirky little town.
Anida
This journey has been a long one. On January 7, 2009 we will make the awesome 12 hour trip back to Dallas. I will graduate on December 6th, and our renters move-in date is January 16th.
Last month we suffered a setback with Antonio's health. We experienced kidneys stones and no health insurance. While the hospital may have claim to our first born, at least we still have each other, right???
School is on the verge of tearing my mind apart, but I seem to have quiet moments of gratitude. There is something wonderful about walking across a campus on a fall day, coffee in hand, and the sun warming my face. Being around students keeps my heart young and I've never failed to gain a friend. The world is filled with beautiful minds and academia is their meeting grounds. I hope to always be apart of a University. Maybe one day I'll have the privilege to teach.
So, here we are .... the countdown begins. We have made some wonderful friends here and I can't believe our days are numbered. The coffee shop is always filled with drama, but I think there is unity in having a great debate. Espresso is fun and I can't remember the last time work was so easy.
My life is full, it is beautiful, and I am grateful for this challenging season in our lives. We will return to Dallas with open minds and hearts. We will also return with the anticipated excitement to see all of our friends and family. I feel like we have grown-up a bit and are ready for the next chapter.
I will though, in some strange ways miss this quirky little town.
Anida
Monday, September 22, 2008
Ah.....
Why haven't I written in so long? There have been too many emotions to express into one single entry.
I've decided that justice is - on most days, a lost cause. Instead we hide in the graces of God and hope that our fears will subside. Today my eyes feel old and my heart weary.
I turned 29 this year. It is strange feeling to look backwards and see yourself playing in the trees as a child. You blink and wonder how time can go so fast.
I just got off the phone with my little brother. He will be 24 this year. I worry about who will take care of him in the future. I figure it will probably be me since I have to be responsible for my mother-in-law and my mother.
So, the last few weeks have been nostalgic for me. I dance in the sunlight and pretend that my life isn't about to run into the storm. I go to the gym and ride the stationary bike until my legs are like jello. I pretend to outrun this race and in the end I always win. I try to ignore corporate America that calls for my return. I make coffee and laugh with young people who do not have a care in the world. The headlines scare me more than any hurricane can. I fight for people who do not know they need justice, and pat myself on the back for my silent victories.
Today, for the first time, I sincerely worry about the future. Usually it is just curious anxiety, but lately it is different. I worry about a president that will make God into an ambiguous entity and a nation that calls for someone they do not understand, just has the same skin color.
There is hope out there and tonight I search deep for it. I have to write to remind myself that I believe in justice, grace, and vengeance.
Some days it feels so far away.
Anida
I've decided that justice is - on most days, a lost cause. Instead we hide in the graces of God and hope that our fears will subside. Today my eyes feel old and my heart weary.
I turned 29 this year. It is strange feeling to look backwards and see yourself playing in the trees as a child. You blink and wonder how time can go so fast.
I just got off the phone with my little brother. He will be 24 this year. I worry about who will take care of him in the future. I figure it will probably be me since I have to be responsible for my mother-in-law and my mother.
So, the last few weeks have been nostalgic for me. I dance in the sunlight and pretend that my life isn't about to run into the storm. I go to the gym and ride the stationary bike until my legs are like jello. I pretend to outrun this race and in the end I always win. I try to ignore corporate America that calls for my return. I make coffee and laugh with young people who do not have a care in the world. The headlines scare me more than any hurricane can. I fight for people who do not know they need justice, and pat myself on the back for my silent victories.
Today, for the first time, I sincerely worry about the future. Usually it is just curious anxiety, but lately it is different. I worry about a president that will make God into an ambiguous entity and a nation that calls for someone they do not understand, just has the same skin color.
There is hope out there and tonight I search deep for it. I have to write to remind myself that I believe in justice, grace, and vengeance.
Some days it feels so far away.
Anida
Monday, August 18, 2008
A funny thing happened....
Today was the beginning of my last semester. I haven't written in awhile due to working and managing a home with a new visitor in it. We've had a roommate for the last several weeks and she will leave on Saturday. One month has already gone by since her arrival. It has been a challenging situation, but among the chaos I have found a lot of peace.
Here's the truth. I am worried to come back to Dallas. I am excited to see our friends and family but will admit that I have grown very content with my life the last few months. I became a manager at the coffee shop and make my own schedule, my friend pool has expanded to a couple of wonderful 4th year med students that I feel I have known for a long time, I get to work out almost every day, Antonio and me get to see each other all the time, and I don't think I drive more than 10 miles a day to and from work/school. (I only fill my car up once a month.)
Isn't it strange how life happens like this? It's almost as if the spiritual realm knew I was about to leave so everything just calmed down. I am actually sad to leave this place. The people we have surrounding us are wonderful and our home is so quaint and simple.
I am afraid to come back to the hustle and bustle of a city that loses track of time. The biggest lesson I learned here was how to just hang out....no agenda, no day planner, just good times with good friends. I can't tell you how many nights we spontaneously had a cook-out while the boys played Halo. Yeah, that's the stuff I was missing in Dallas. Everyone lives so close to one another here, and I can walk my dog with my friends whenever I want.
Dallas, I am afraid of you, but am coming back anyway.
Anida
Here's the truth. I am worried to come back to Dallas. I am excited to see our friends and family but will admit that I have grown very content with my life the last few months. I became a manager at the coffee shop and make my own schedule, my friend pool has expanded to a couple of wonderful 4th year med students that I feel I have known for a long time, I get to work out almost every day, Antonio and me get to see each other all the time, and I don't think I drive more than 10 miles a day to and from work/school. (I only fill my car up once a month.)
Isn't it strange how life happens like this? It's almost as if the spiritual realm knew I was about to leave so everything just calmed down. I am actually sad to leave this place. The people we have surrounding us are wonderful and our home is so quaint and simple.
I am afraid to come back to the hustle and bustle of a city that loses track of time. The biggest lesson I learned here was how to just hang out....no agenda, no day planner, just good times with good friends. I can't tell you how many nights we spontaneously had a cook-out while the boys played Halo. Yeah, that's the stuff I was missing in Dallas. Everyone lives so close to one another here, and I can walk my dog with my friends whenever I want.
Dallas, I am afraid of you, but am coming back anyway.
Anida
Sunday, July 27, 2008
New Chapter
Ah...it is 1:16am. This is my first break in over two weeks. We had been in a mad frenzy trying to squeeze in 48 hours into 24 hour days. We have been going to bed between 2-3am and getting up between 8-9am. (We are really itchin' for a good marital fight!)
It all started with....I got a wild hair and decided to put our spare bedroom up for rent for the fall. To my surprise my posting was answered within 24 hours by a lovely young med student at NYU. One whole month later Linda is living in our guest room. She is married, in her fourth year, and doing a Orthopedic rotation at local university. (She will be with us for one month.) However, it hasn't been all gravy anticipating her move-in.
About two weeks ago we decided to renovate her bathroom. Well apparently our master bathroom got jealous and Antonio decided to give it some TLC. Instead what he did was accidentally break a tile, which lead to a hole, which lead to dry rot, mold, which lead to me spending hundreds of dollars to gut my bathroom, and the left nerve in my eye twitching like crazy. All of this occurred 4 days before Linda was to arrive (which was last night). On top of all of that I have been in finals, and of course with all the stress...failed them. In the world of academia there is no grace for moldy bathrooms. On top of that...my car had to be tuned up and a new alternator had to be installed. We are going for broke baby!
So, what I'm really saying is...if you would like to contribute to the Duarte school, car, condo fund please send cash. Promptly.
Anida
It all started with....I got a wild hair and decided to put our spare bedroom up for rent for the fall. To my surprise my posting was answered within 24 hours by a lovely young med student at NYU. One whole month later Linda is living in our guest room. She is married, in her fourth year, and doing a Orthopedic rotation at local university. (She will be with us for one month.) However, it hasn't been all gravy anticipating her move-in.
About two weeks ago we decided to renovate her bathroom. Well apparently our master bathroom got jealous and Antonio decided to give it some TLC. Instead what he did was accidentally break a tile, which lead to a hole, which lead to dry rot, mold, which lead to me spending hundreds of dollars to gut my bathroom, and the left nerve in my eye twitching like crazy. All of this occurred 4 days before Linda was to arrive (which was last night). On top of all of that I have been in finals, and of course with all the stress...failed them. In the world of academia there is no grace for moldy bathrooms. On top of that...my car had to be tuned up and a new alternator had to be installed. We are going for broke baby!
So, what I'm really saying is...if you would like to contribute to the Duarte school, car, condo fund please send cash. Promptly.
Anida
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
